i looked in the mirror

aug 14 2015 19:55

never look into the mirror. it shows you things you don’t want to see. i can say this beaus i just did. i looked into the mirror to realize, I’m 18 years old. going on the rest of my life right now. in my head i can think I’m still 7, but I’m not. i looked in the mirror today to find a woman of 18 who was wearing a pretty dark blue dress. its not long, not tight but its pretty. its the kind of dress that makes a girl turn into a whimsical witch or a fairy. i started crying. i looked in the mirror and wondered what happened to the reflection of the little girl i used to see. she had blonde pigtails and a sea of deep blue eyes and a smile that could warm anyone. at least, thats what i see when i look at the pictures. now i look in the mirror and i see a woman. her hair long and down and wavy. her eyes with a hint of mascara. she’s beautiful. she really is. today she is. it dawned on me as i walked away from the mirror. I’m no longer making parades of beanie babies with my brothers through the house. I’m not longer investing every birthday wish in becoming a mermaid. I’m not getting excited for halloween hoping that i will see a real witch. now i am driving 30 minutes down the road to see the sunset over the country. and I’m staying up till 3 am to see a meteor shower because thats the only magic in my life. my soft hands and feet that were once smooth and unweathered now are unfamiliar to me. i see wrinkles in my forehead and my hands are aging. it sounds rediculous but every line on my hand is another moment in my life come and gone. this all just depresses me. i am not depressed over anything but time now. i want to stay 17 forever. i don’t want to have to date guys and break up with them. i don’t want sex stories. i want stories of sneaking out at night and stories of that one time i did the cinamon challenge. its just hard getting older. my parents are 51. they’re going to be dead soon. 51 isn’t old. but in 9 years they will be 60. i remember them when they were 39. they were still young. this sort of stuff just really gets to me. but you knew that. i have a lot to tell you. i will in a bit when i get over time. ill be posting a lot more i believe.peace
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