Overwhelmingly Numb

If someone out there would like to talk to me, inspire my writing, tell me a story, sing me a song, cry out for humanity. Prove to me that I’m alive. And that you’re alive. And that we’re here in the human condition. Reveal human enthusiasm. A thirst to create. Show me who you are in your choices and the legacy you’ll leave behind with your relationships. I haven’t found someone I want to talk about real things with in a while. I can’t remember the last time I felt something for someone else. And sure, a lot of it is my fault. I accept that. My guard is up. That’s true. But I haven’t found someone to take it down for. Not even a girl. No one. Anyone to trust, to want to open up to. And maybe I’m not looking. I’ve lost hope. I trust the douchebags because I can trust them to be douchebags. And I have my eyes closed to the good people right in front of me. And I remember that I’ve given away so many pieces of me already. And become scared I’m almost out. And that my story is losing value. I haven’t found someone to be vulnerable with since Sean. Wow. I’m just now realizing this and it’s blowing my mind. I was seeing this guy––Sean. He and I hit the ground running. On our first date, he gave me a moon stone. On our second date, I saw his scars. On our third date, he said he loved me. I allowed myself to be his. And I was. And he hurt me. And I hurt him. And I hurt me. But I can’t hurt anymore. I can’t. So I don’t hurt. And I don’t anything. I don’t feel the pain. I don’t feel. I keep my head up. And I keep moving forward. And I keep working on me. And I forget about how happy I felt. I forget about the way he looked at me. How he used to wake up in the middle of the night and pull me into his embrace, then kiss me. And I forget what he did. I forget the hate and I remember that there are others out there like me. And they ache like me. They feel like me. Fellow romantics who long for emotion. and life. vitality. inspiration. I’m all so melodramatic. And I know that. Really, I do. But how long until I let myself, be myself? Until someone makes me feel alive.


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